Learning Through Life and KindKin Joy

By Tessa Henry, KindKin parent, with consent to post given by family members

My daughter began kindergarten in the fall of 2019. I remember dropping her off with her oversized backpack and giving her a big hug and kiss before she lined up with her class to say the pledge of allegiance in the gym full of students organized by grade. She was all smiles, happy for a new adventure, in her natural joyful demeaner. She had the sweetest teacher and several good friends from preschool in her class. She was all set up for success! I drove home feeling proud and excited for her, but there was also a sadness I couldn’t ignore. A part of me worried that this was the beginning of the end of her childhood in some ways -the beginning of the “real world”.

Don’t be dramatic, I told myself, brushing aside the fear; convincing myself they were normal mom first day jitters. I was doing the right thing. Wasn’t I? It’s the right thing to do when you get to be school age. It’s normal. It’s part of growing up and getting an education. It’s a requirement on your path to success and being a contributing member of society. Right?

A few weeks in and everything was going well. I mean, well, I did notice some slight changes in my 6-year-old. She wasn’t quite as happy-go-lucky anymore and didn’t have as much energy to play with her little brother when she got home from school. I also noticed her facial expression more frequently worried/concerned. She also started having a difficult time sleeping due to processing overwhelm after a typical school day.

But these are just normal symptoms of adapting to a new schedule. This, too, is normal. It’s just a transition.

Then March 2020 hits. A pandemic shuts down schools. I was so sad for all the kids saying goodbye to their classmates and teachers after not even a full school year together. Suddenly, I found our family back to our baby years schedule. Which in our case, included a heavy reliance on Grandmas and Grandpas that we were (and still are) fortunate and privileged to have. We were forced to spend more time together as a family and tried to make the most of filling those “isolated” days with gardening, hiking, playing, imagining and crafting. That time together turned into a blessing in disguise.

Wouldn’t you know it, my daughter comes back! Her rosy cheeks, her bright smile and playfulness. The shift was obvious; the heaviness had lifted. What was happening here? I wanted to learn more. Before entering kindergarten, my daughter had spent time at a pre-school that honored “learning through play.”

Did learning through play have to stop once you turned 5 or 6?

Turns out I wasn’t the only person questioning this. A friend recommended I read Free to Learn by Peter Gray. From there I discovered The Alliance of Self-Directed Education and two more authors who deeply inspired a new path for my family: Iris Chen, author of Untigering and Akilah Richards author of Raising Free People: Unschooling as Liberation and Healing Work. These authors resonated with what I was witnessing at home, what I personally experienced at school, as well as stories I still hear from friends and family about school experiences (sometimes traumas). It also resonated with other oppressive and normal systems that were re-exposing themselves in 2020 including police brutality, systemic racism, and the compounded years of disrespecting Earth systems leading to disastrous wildfires. But, I digress. The bottom line is that the era of distance learning gave me the opportunity to question what, as a society, we’re teaching our children and why.

Maybe school, although the normal and only accessible option for a decent education, wasn’t everything I was led to believe that it was. Maybe ‘schooling’ and ‘education for liberation’ weren’t one in the same after all. And what if many of the systems we’ve accepted as normal are oppressive and harmful?

After some research and deep reflection, my family decided to opt out of the school system to try “uschooling” inspired by the philosophy of Self Directed Education, defined by the Alliance of Self Directed Education as education that derives from the self-chosen activities and life experiences of the learner, whether or not those activities were chosen deliberately for the purpose of education. I loved the idea of learning in a way that felt liberating and empowering versus learning in a way that often came with shame and discouragement. I wanted to embrace being a lifelong learner and I wanted that for my young people as well.

The path we’ve chosen isn’t always easy and is never perfect, but having perfection and ease was never the goal because, well, that’s not how life is. What this shift of ‘learning through living life’ has allowed is space for my young people to pursue their interests driven by curiosity and playfulness at their own pace. Ideally, it allows our family to develop better communication, empathy, awareness, passion, and how to know ourselves better by strengthening our own sense of self and intuitions. This is a continuous process, always flowing, ever changing, growing, adapting, unlearning and relearning how we show up in the world. It’s messy and difficult. It’s fun and adventurous.

Last year my kids, at ages 9 and 11, advocated for themselves to have more time away from family with other mentors and community members their age. Understandable! In our rural community, finding other young playmates during school hours is a challenge. I searched for a SDE center through the SDE website because I wanted a place that respected young people’s autonomy and natural learning process in a non-coercive inclusive space.

We found KindKin Collective! I must admit we were apprehensive. Mostly because it was something new, a change in routine, and an hour drive. Let’s just try it and see how it goes. My kids were pretty much instantly sold. The reasons why, from my perspective, are as follows:

- They are allowed to be themselves (no masking necessary!). They feel completely safe and at home because Jessica intentionally creates this environment.

-They are respected, so they respect others.

-They can talk to Jessica about anything! And they don’t feel judged or shamed. They love having discussions about life, feelings, relationships, and current events from all perspectives. Everyone’s feelings and perspectives are honored. I know they love having a safe adult mentor who respects them and deeply listens to them who is not a parent or grandparent.

-They direct their day in community with the group. They can opt in or out of activities as long as it works with the rest of the group and is safe for everyone.

-They are trusted and empowered to make their own choices and decisions. If help is needed; it’s right there.

KindKin is a wonderful welcoming community full of joy, exploration, curiosity, trust, mutual respect and open communication. With all of that naturally comes learning! More people=more diversity=more curiosity=more things to learn about. We love making new friends, so please consider us as an addition to your homeschooling/unschooling adventures in the Fall.

“I can’t really explain how fun it is because everything at KindKin is fun. There are a bunch of fun and educational things all packed into one. The only way I can explain it is an exploded feeling of pure joy, like a circle that never ends!!!” -Wylder, age 9.5